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Cornelius News

Ode on a Cornelius Urn

Photo: Our thanks to 1989’s ‘Dead Poets Society’ with Robin Williams

MODERN DAD | By Jon Show

It’s election season. That time of year when candidates scout out plots of land in high traffic areas and litter them with crooked lawn signs asking for our vote. Once elected they’ll discuss topics during public meetings like maintaining the beautification of our town.

I’m a big supporter of local elections. You can whip yourself into a lather about the presidential elections and how our country is going to hell in a handbasket if your candidate loses, but a shocking few take the time to cast an educated vote in local elections.

The fact of the matter is that city, county and state elections have far more impact on your quality of life than federal elections. Disagree? As you sit in gridlock on West Catawba please note that neither Donald Trump nor Joe Biden are approving construction projects all over town.

Am I going to share my preferences or suggestions for candidates? No. I’m going to lay out the issues facing our town in sarcastic limericks because … I don’t know? Limericks make everything more fun.

•••

Living in Corn Town is nice.

Taking a left? Make sure you look twice.

Our roads aren’t too pretty,

Their width is itty bitty.

The traffic it crawls like the mice.

•••

The parks are the jewels of our town.

Splash pads are a great way to cool down.

Vote for people who care,

To maintain what is there,

Or all the grass will die and turn brown.

•••

What makes a town great is more houses.

More kids, more grandparents, more spouses.

My vote is to build.

Make all the land filled.

Who cares if anyone grouses?

•••

Need a bank branch you’re in the right place.

There are so many in such a close space.

Who goes to the bank?

I’m drawing a blank.

Fifth Third? Wells Fargo? Or Chase?

•••

I’ll admit that I use the toll lanes.

Not often but when traffic pains.

I fly by the cars,

Who all choose to pause.

I’ll pay two bucks for the gains.

•••

Speeding on residential streets,

Is a pastime like Halloween treats.

Don’t get in their way,

Or for you I will pray.

That mom has to fetch her kid’s cleats.

•••

It’s time to go grocery shopping.

At which store will you be stopping?

There are a billion to choose,

Why so many doth confuse.

The sheer number is surely eye popping.

•••

Our Exit 28 is no good.

I’d avoid it whenever I could.

Does it work, the diamond diverge?

Or is it just a major scourge.

What a weird entrance to our neighborhood.

•••

Elected officials are people we chose.

Some of their decisions are surely who knows?

Residents voice their thoughts.

Their stomachs in knots.

They deserve more than a thumb of the nose.

•••

Road widening is coming they say.

But we don’t have all the money today.

Construction will start in five years.

Say what? I’m all ears!

I guess I’ll just sit here and pray.

•••

The school classrooms are all packed.

There’s no solution and that’s just a fact.

The kids learn in trailers,

While wearing Chuck Taylors.

No wonder charter wait lists are stacked.

•••

Political issues are often dissected.

Collected, reflected and neglected.

Throw on a coat,

And go cast your vote.

Local elections are where you’re affected.

Jon Show lives in Robbins Park with his wife, who he calls “The Mother of Dragons.” Their 10-year-old son is “Future Man” and their 7-year-old daughter is “The Blonde

Bomber.” Their dog is actually named Lightning.

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