Our weekly advice column from Giselle Massi, a former journalist with The Denver Post.

“I find myself surprisingly unsettled about something I never thought I needed to reconsider. Lately I’ve been in social situations where I am more self-conscious. It used to be when the host or a server came around to refill my glass, I never paused before smiling and nodding my head to indicate, ‘Yes, please, more wine.’ Why this has changed is not a mystery to me. I’ve noticed that more of my social crowd and colleagues are drinking less or say they have completely let go of alcohol. I want to be able to drink or not drink without feeling like I have to size up the room first, but I haven’t gotten there yet.”

G: I don’t think that being self-conscious is necessarily a good or a bad thing. It’s when it is experienced at the extremes – insufficient or excessive – that it becomes particularly worthy of examining.

When it comes to any occasion where we are among others, whether in a private/intimate or business setting, it may simply be an expression of our human nature to want to fit in, so that we are neither an outlier or considered offensive to others. To achieve that, yes, we do need to develop a heightened sense of self-awareness.

To drink or not to drink… some may think that is the question. I see it somewhat differently. Sort of like the seasonal changes over the year that bring new sensations, we tend to find ourselves desiring different experiences and adventures, even taking radical swings, as we age, and hopefully mature.

For those who are in the throes of an addiction to alcohol, or who are unable to manage well their behavior when they libate, for sure the answer to the question of whether or not to drink is pretty obvious, at least to me. But for many others, the pleasure of having a glass or two of wine, whether with a meal or during celebratory circumstances, brings a particularly satisfying dimension to their life.

The real issue here is about why alcohol is making you relitigate your sense of self. Sometimes we become more self-conscious because we see that others, or ourselves, are changing at a different pace. The change doesn’t have to be cataclysmic for us to feel awkward, or a bit more uncertain.

When we begin to notice we are feeling some anxiousness, or even just somewhat less good about ourselves, it’s time to address the root cause. It’s often not what is outside of us. It’s not the alcohol here. It’s typically more about one’s self-esteem, self-worth, and getting right with what we are doing, and with whom.

If you want to continue consuming in moderation, but with greater peace about it, begin a practice of just being fully in the moment. That means you are to make a conscious choice that allows you to have that small pleasure, without distraction.

No sizing up the room. No questioning why others may or may not be joining you right then and there. Simply be with the awareness that you are in control as you choose to take to your lips a complimentary accent, simply because it contributes to your joy.

But should you discover that is no longer possible, then look at this shift in your perspective as an opportunity for growth. Work on understanding what else may be going on with you, or with the circle you are orbiting in, that may need a reset. There may be other changes to come for you, that actually have nothing to do with alcohol, but way more to do with seeking to reclaim your agency. Regaining that sacredness will let you be happy in your own sweet spot, regardless of whether there’s a glass of wine in your hand or not.

Giselle M. Massi is the author of “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS” and the novel “Just Dance the Steps.” Her romantacy “WYNTER’S DREAM” is now available. Giselle was a journalist with The Denver Post for 16 years and writes the newspaper advice column TELL GISELLE. Contact her at www.gisellemassi.com.