Aug. 4. By Jon Show. I am the son of a woman who taught children for most of her life. For the latter part of her career she specialized in teaching young kids with severe math deficiencies. She prided herself in being able to teach anyone how to do long division.
My wife is the daughter of a man who taught theology to Harvard students, who are very intelligent, I’m told. I don’t know because I’ve never met one.
You might think that two people who were born from the genetics of lifelong educators would develop an innate ability to teach. To educate. To pass on knowledge.
But you’re wrong. The Mother of Dragons and I are not good teachers. We are not good at teaching common core math or reading comprehension or the migratory patterns of hummingbirds. We are very bad at it.
Making the best of things
When schools closed in the spring we sat down with our kids and explained what was going on. We’ll make the best of it, I told them. Things will go back to normal someday soon.
When we reached the final day of school we celebrated as we always do, with ice cream for breakfast, and took comfort in the fact that home schooling, virtual learning—whatever you want to call it—was over forever.
And yet here we are, months later staring down the barrel of Plan B+, which I would give a D- if anyone asked me to grade it. Remote Learning is back in session and I don’t feel good about it at all. Not for me, not for my kids. Not for anyone.
I spent the day after the fall school announcement scouring the Internet for tools that would make me a better teacher than I was in the spring. I visited dozens of home schooling websites and watched countless videos.
Unfortunately, everything I read and watched reminded me why I didn’t pursue a degree in teaching after taking an Intro to Education class my freshman year of college. It was the same reason I didn’t pursue a degree in Engineering. I showed neither aptitude nor initiative.
Walk, with personality
I found an article online that suggested teachers should take a personality test because they diagnose your strengths and weaknesses and how they impact the quality of your work.
I immediately googled “teacher personality tests” to learn more about myself so that I could become a better Pandemic Professor. The first test I clicked was from Onlinesense.org. It was relatively short and delivered the following response:
Kids love you. Other teachers want to be you. Students get each year’s new schedule hoping your name is on it. You are someone who really knows how to get along with the kids. You are funny and cool in a non-geeky way. Congratulations!
I asked the Blonde Bomber if she agreed with this assessment. After explaining what the word “assessment” meant I was told that other kids don’t like me, I’m not funny and no one wants to be me.
“You’re not a real teacher,” she said. I couldn’t agree more.
I found another test on a site called Venngage that had this cool infographic that informed me I was a Sergeant teacher. It read:
Sergeant teachers’ stricter authoritarian role can make it difficult to form bonds with students. Teachers with this personality type may need to exercise patience if they want their students to be able to view them as a mentor.
Sergeant teachers’ stricter authoritarian role can make it difficult to form bonds with students. Teachers with this personality type may need to exercise patience if they want their students to be able to view them as a mentor.
I’m supposed to bond with the students and exercise patience? I think part of getting older is realizing and accepting our shortcomings while also trying to minimize the impact on others. I am an impatient person. I guess I can try harder but I’m not holding out any hope.
The third test I took was awkwardly short for a personality test and identified me as a Born Leader. It stated the following:
You’re bright and never give up and with the right training you could really instill that attitude in young students. As a teacher, you’ll have lots of opportunities to take on senior roles and extra responsibilities.
With the right training? Where am I supposed to get training? I fell asleep watching YouTube videos on homeschooling. Senior roles and extra responsibilities? I can’t handle what I already have!
Hang in there
Part of me can’t believe this is still going on.
All of me hopes that tomorrow someone will make an unexpected announcement about a treatment or a vaccine and things will go back to normal in short order.
All of me hopes that tomorrow someone will make an unexpected announcement about a treatment or a vaccine and things will go back to normal in short order.
We’ll go back to rousing the kids early in the morning and they’ll eat half of whatever my wife prepared for them for breakfast. We’ll shout them out the door and admonish them at least twice for not listening or moving too slow.
We’ll hug our daughter and tell her to have a good day. We’ll say the same to our son, who will avoid the hug and give us a look that says we’re the most embarrassing parents he ever could imagine.
If I close my eyes and take a deep breath, I can see it. I can feel it. Bliss.
In the meantime, I guess I’ll try to practice what I preached to my kids when they learned their schools would not reopen this fall.
We’ll make the best of it, I told them. Things will go back to normal someday soon.
Right?
Jon Show lives in Robbins Park with his wife, who he calls “The Mother of Dragons.” Their 10-year-old son is “Future Man” and their 7-year-old daughter is “The Blonde Bomber.” Their dog is actually named Lightning.
