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Modern Dad

Modern Dad: These are a few of my favorite drinks

By Jon Show. I’m constantly telling my kids to drink water because … I don’t know. Hydration is important? Twelve glasses of water a day just seems excessive. I’m not questioning science but I’m fairly certain I had 12 glasses of water my entire childhood and here I am. Still alive.

I think my problem with water is that it just doesn’t taste good. By simple definition, it’s the most bland tasting drink in existence. Fact: Water only tastes good when you wake up in the middle of the night and you’re so parched that you’re on the brink of clinical dehydration.

My kids and I got into a discussion the other day about our favorite drinks and, while they easily identified their favorites (Future Man – Coke; Blond Bomber – hot chocolate), I couldn’t commit to just one. There are too many categories of drinks so I had to break them out and choose a favorite in each one.

Category: Sugary, carbonated

Orange soda. My goodness my goodness. I’m clutching my chest right now as if I’m an old woman from Savannah who’s swooning because a handsome young man just brought her a – you guessed it – tall glass of orange soda.

Where to begin with all the things I love about orange soda. Syrupy. Artificial flavor and color. That color. That beautiful orange color. Nowhere in nature does that shade of orange exist. Someone concocted it in their brains and delivered it to us in the form of a delicious orange beverage.

The Mother of Dragons won’t drink soda because she says it tastes disgusting. Every time she states that it makes me question her taste in everything until I remember that she married me and we agree to disagree.

Category: Sugary, non-carbonated

You can’t argue with lemonade’s versatility. It’s good on its own. It’s good over ice. You can pivot and mix it with soda water for a lemonade spritzer or with iced tea for the world’s most amazing lemony beverage – the Arnold Palmer. Like the legend himself, I like my APs with two parts iced tea and one part lemonade.

Ever tried making lemonade? You spend hours squeezing and heating and adding sugar and mixing and adding more sugar because no drink could have as much sugar as the recipe is calling for. After you finally relent with the amount of sugar called for and get the sweetness just right it tastes exactly like the Simply Lemonade from the grocery store. Plus you’re now aware how much sugar goes into lemonade.

Category: Juice

I’m not a juice guy unless it’s grapefruit juice and then I’m over in the corner guzzling it like I just returned from crossing the Serengeti. The stuff in the grocery store is fine but it will knock your grandmother over if someone is pouring freshly squeezed.

As a 43-year-old with a less-than-ideal set of heart disease genes, I’m on a cocktail of preventative drugs. When I was prescribed one of them a few years ago I was told I could no longer drink grapefruit juice. I nearly cried, but gave it up cold turkey. Three years later at a checkup I was told new research said grapefruit juice was fine. I drove to the grocery store and chugged grapefruit juice in the parking lot until I had heartburn.

Category: Hot

Don’t come at me with cocoa unless you’re under the age of 15. I won’t do anything in the morning unless I’ve had at least one sip of coffee. Wake up. Brush teeth. Contacts. Clothes. Coffee. I’ve been buying the same varietal at Harris Teeter for the last 10 years – Java Love – which also perfectly describes how I feel about it. Serendipity.

I like to drink my coffee how coffee is meant to be drank. Black. None of that flavored white liquid that makes it taste like pumpkins or vanilla ice cream. I also don’t do lattes or frappuccinos or anything that requires detailed instructions given to someone I have to refer to as a barista. Coffee. Black. In a mug. If I wanted a glass of milk I’d drink a glass of milk.

So there it is, kids. My list of favorite drinks segmented by category because there’s no way anyone can answer that question with one kind of drink. Please stop rolling your eyes at me. You’re the ones who asked me the question.

Jon Show lives in Robbins Park with his wife, who he calls “The Mother of Dragons.” Their 10-year-old son is “Future Man” and their 7-year-old daughter is “The Blonde Bomber.” Their dog is actually named Lightning.