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Ha-Ha-Halloween jokes and puns to amuse and lift your spirits

Oct. 19. Here are some jokes and puns, courtesy of the Farmers’ Almanac, from well-known verbalist Richard Lederer to help scare you into the Halloween spirit.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?

I scream.

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?


What’s a ghost’s favorite snack?

A bagel with scream cheese

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

Day-scare centers.

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

He didn’t have the guts.

What do you call a chicken that haunts your house?

The poultrygeist.

A waitress once asked Dracula, “How would you like your stake, and would you like scream in your coffin?”

What happens when you fail to pay your exorcist?

You get repossessed.

Why don’t mummies take vacations?

They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?

He didn’t have a haunting license.

What do you call a ghost that sits in the picture window of a haunted house?

A window shade.

One witch told another witch, “I want one of those new computers that have a spell checker.”

Don’t bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party. He won’t show up. Sometimes he makes excuses, but they’re all transparent.

You don’t have to worry about Daylight Saving Time at Halloween. The holiday is always on Green Witch Mean Time.

What kind of monster do you have to look out for at the laundromat?

A wash’n werewolf.