Aug. 19. Our weekly advice column from Giselle Massi, a former journalist with The Denver Post.

“Pretty much every holiday that I’ve had to host the family dinner, I end up thinking it is just not worth the effort. And even those holidays that I just have to bring a side dish, I feel pretty much the same. If it’s not the stress of traffic or weather that adds to the irritation and puts a damper on my mood, it’s feeling like I walk on eggshells so as not to upset someone, wanting to avoid awkward conversations. How do you manage your family gatherings, or do you feel like this too?”

G: You are certainly not alone in how you tend to respond to the stress or pressures that can come with these events. So often bad outcomes are created because there is a heightened expectation, of wanting everything to be just so, to create extra special memories.

Throw in the heated spices of political divisions or concerns about spreading the flu or worse, and it is no wonder many are reconsidering how much time they want to spend around the holiday dinner table. We know it doesn’t have to be this way, and yet, year in and year out many of us end up less than satisfied, if not in real distress from relationship relations.

This happens more often to those who tend to give away their power to others when they don’t need to. By that I mean, you can choose differently, and more wisely so that you don’t act like a victim who survived a trauma. Hosting most types of gatherings can be managed better if one engages their spiritual attitude.

Instead of this holiday being a repeat of the past horror shows, think about it as an opportunity to exercise your spiritual maturity. Consider the gathering as though it will be the very last time you will all be together in this form. How would you like to be remembered if you are the one who does not, god forbid, make it to the next celebration?

Will the memory you create this Thanksgiving be of you as a gracious host or guest, or are you going to be thought of as the one who was cranky, tired, annoyed, argumentative, unfriendly? All things unfun?

Many of us don’t realize the power of preparing ourselves spiritually before we cross the threshold of someone’s home, or before we open our door and welcome others to enter our space. What has worked for me is to begin the morning of any holiday with a recognition that today, this holiday, is to be elevated above the day before or the day after.

I set my intention to be sure that I use the day for what it was intended: love. To achieve that requires I be even more conscious/aware/awake to the consequences of my actions, so I can be in the flow of loving kindness.

This may not come easily or naturally, particularly when you are exhausted or if still dealing with existing problems or disagreements that may have carried over from the day before. But to live out a better day requires that intention. It’s all about training oneself to set aside negativity, taking all of the things that cause that response totally off the table for the day.

Like a sabbath of sorts, where you permit yourself the mental and emotional space to at least suspend the harshness and struggles of life. Holidays are time where all that needs to be dealt with, all the things that routinely try to steal away the expression of “full on” goodness, can be a time out of the rat race.

Some holidays we will end up having taken on way more than what is our fair share of the burden. Instead of acting like a martyr, surrender to that truth. See that you have made things easier for others who may be struggling in ways you do not even know.

Cope as best you can with the unique sets of challenges that family gatherings present, even it requires you step outside and take a breather to reset your spiritual intention. And commit to creating a memory that matches the sweetness of the desserts.

Giselle is the author of “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS” and the novel “Just Dance the Steps.” Her new romantacy “WYNTER’S DREAM” is now available.  Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com  To read more columns go to  www.gisellemassi.com