Our weekly advice column from Giselle Massi, a former journalist with The Denver Post.

Over many decades, the bulk of my counseling work has revolved around helping people of all ages figure out what it is they want or need or ought to be doing. This may include processing job or relationship dissatisfaction, or how to forgive themselves and the ways to get over their paralyzing regrets. Whether it be that day, or over the course of a calendar year or longer, the guidance to follow is ultimately about getting one’s priorities and inner world, aka one’s personal and spiritual house, in order.

Even if one is at death’s door due to age or terminal illness – and I’ve counseled many of those folks – it’s never too late to get started. The process of doing this “reordering and recalibrating” can sometimes be as easy as saying “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you” or following a 3-ingredient recipe step by step. But often it is as exhausting and challenging as what a pathological hoarder faces trying to master a foreign language late in life while simultaneously downsizing from a five-bedroom house to a studio apartment.

Sorting out what is the appropriate next course of action, or accurately analyzing and interpreting one’s past or current experiences, is best done with someone you trust with your life. They must be solidly in your camp and possess highly developed communication skills. They must also be comfortable with discussing the most intimate, emotional vulnerabilities and traumas that are in the way of growth. As important, they must adhere to the vow of confidentiality.

The divulging of personal histories in this context may include the purging of guilt and shame, sometimes caused by immoral or illegal behavior. When done successfully or to a sense of completion, the therapeutic relationship can lead to a healing that looks and feels like one has finally been released from a foothold trap or hobble.

People who are referred to me or find me through a bookstore are driven by this innate desire for freedom from the pain they have acclimated to in their everyday existence. They are compelled to seek to get answers to complex or confounding situations figuring that the pain relief is going to be in the answer. What they may not realize is that my role is most often reduced to a basic approach: me striving to restore their navigational compass that indicates hope in every directional path, if they are willing to change.

For any troubled individual to ever attain peace of mind, especially those who are wrapped up in addiction of one kind or another, they must start out believing it is even possible. Belief in hope is like a fluffy down nest where wounds can heal. This work, energized by hope, is no less than a course correction so that the sufferer will be able to sail their metaphorical ship toward the direction of their heart’s desire, instead of remaining in the sand bar or crashing onto more rocks.

The “be here now” movement is less attractive to a great chunk of traditional religious proponents, whose practice puts the emphasis on what is to happen “later,” so that the main life goal shifts away from the present now. That “later” could be the belief in a heavenly meeting with a divine supreme force or a reunion with deceased loved ones. It could be the concept of hell fire and damnation. None of those are what drive my counseling.

Working a spiritual path, rather than a religious one, strongly suggests we are to “be here now.” Adherents to this work are to just put their attention on the present moment, cultivating an awareness of the energy of life. The practice is to bring one’s focus to the immediate, rather than relitigating past painful memories or generating anxiety with hypothetical negative future outcomes. This approach can positively alter a person’s life trajectory by turbo charging a much-needed behavioral or ideological change.

Spiritual life support (what I call my work) helps people strengthen their desire for peacemaking, and that is accomplished through the work of compassion and forgiveness. There’s a place for those virtues in every day activity without us even having to create the opportunity.

Whenever I am asked how to get over a huge mistake, a loss, a failure, a heartbreak, betrayal or any tragedy, I put an emphasis on acknowledging how many others – now and those before us – were able to do so, many having far worse burdens to carry than we will ever know. They found their way to full restoration of purpose with the love of those close to them, and by consistently proclaiming gratitude for today’s breath with which to set the course straight and get on with the next right thing.

Giselle was a journalist with The Denver Post and is the author of “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS” and the novel “Just Dance the Steps.” Her new romantacy “WYNTER’S DREAM” is now available.  Email Giselle with your question at [email protected]  To read more columns go to  www.gisellemassi.com