Dec. 17. Our weekly advice column from Giselle Massi, a former journalist with The Denver Post.

“An elderly relative is in the hospital and is expected to remain there through the holidays but then be discharged to a rehab facility. This is a new experience so I’m looking for ideas for how it could be easier on all of us.”

G: Really good caregiving is dependent on energy. Not just physical energy to complete the big demands, like the errand running for all of the tasks that the otherwise healthy person handles for themselves. Really good caregiving, the kind that we would want to experience ourselves whenever we are laid up, is about the laser focus on the small stuff.

We can easily get caught up in making sure the big externals are properly tended to. With a hospitalization or home confinement, this can take the form of overseeing a patient’s medications or pain relief to be sure they are correct and being given on time, or having food that is to the patient’s liking so that they will want to eat. No doubt these are essential keys to recovery but those are what I view as coming from a basic level of caregiving.

Don’t get me wrong, I know they can make or break one’s recovery process. But my experience has shown me that feeling valued and appreciated is the power juice that energizes any type of healing. The details of how one gets through health challenges of course will vary depending on the issue and its severity, but the healing from love’s power juice works across all conditions.

The really good caregiving is about tapping into an energy bank that is fueled by affection, not driven by fear. It’s so easy to respond to a loved one’s health issue with the emotion of fear and anxiety. That’s what tends to animate much of our activity. Thus, we nervously manage the details that every change in status or medical intervention presents, because we worry about worst case scenarios or outcomes.

But if we can stop long enough to recognize our pattern, we are better able to put aside the worry and instead focus on expressing our affection in ways that will energize, not exhaust us. And we can practice this independent of any season of life or change of status.

What can this look like in practical terms? If your loved one is able to communicate, ask them questions that are intended to draw them away from their present situation. You’ve got a priceless opportunity to talk at a more intimate level, so use the time to distract them by evoking their positive memories. Ask them if they want to record their conversation. Keep it simple by using a phone to record audio or video.

If they have good enough hearing and enjoy music, be sure they have a device with a headset. This way they can listen to a curated playlist whenever they want. Make one for them if they don’t have one set up.

If they are not well enough to hold onto a book or magazine, offer to read to them. The idea here is to transport them to a mental space that brings them up and out of their current reality. At least for the time you are with them, you can choreograph a new theater of their mind.

If they don’t have animal allergies, see if you can interest them in allowing for a service dog or cat to be brought to them with some regularity.

If they are comfortable with being touched, be sure to hug them and hold their hand. Ask if they would like someone to give them a massage. If they need or would like any specific personal grooming, arrange for it.

If the patient needs a lot of rest, see if they want you to remain in their room with them instead of leaving while they sleep. Just hang out as long as makes sense for both of you. Even if much of the time all you are offering is your presence, know there is powerful love juice afoot.

These are the small kind gestures that convey that you care about keeping more than just their body intact. Sure, that’s the ultimate priority, but while being cognizant of sustaining their dignity and humanity in these ways, you are enriching their mind and spirit, as well as your own.

Giselle was a journalist with The Denver Post and is the author of “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS” and the novel “Just Dance the Steps.” Her new romantacy “WYNTER’S DREAM” is now available. Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com. To read more columns go to  www.gisellemassi.com