“I like to have things to look forward to, especially celebrations that involve dinner parties. I am the outlier in my family in this regard. I decided instead of waiting, I am going to send out Thanksgiving invitations within the next week. Do you have a sense of how far ahead is too far ahead? I have single friends and only a few family members to consider.”

G: I think you’d be surprised that there are many more people like you who like to have events marked on their calendar. It makes it easier, I have found, to know what I have to work around, or determine if my active participation in food prep is required.

When it comes to arranging dinner parties, particularly the more formal type, I don’t think you are off base to send out your invites two months in advance. Thanksgiving is one of those holiday events that can bring extra stress as the devil is in the details. Figuring out how many seats you have left at the table, once you’ve counted the RSVPs, helps to bring down some of the self-induced pressure.

I also think these early invitations show your guests just how seriously you are taking their attendance. And when it comes to invites in general, I think it is valuable to include the time range for the event. In this way your guests may realize that their presence is actually a coveted seat. But that alone may be insufficient.

For example, I hosted an outdoor party over the summer and invited a number of couples that I know well, though some better than others. I was able to get a firm head count, or what I thought would be a firm one, and started planning. Not only did I calculate the libations that would likely be consumed, I spent ample time determining how many different types of foods to serve. These options covered the gamut of non-meat to allergy-triggering entrees.

My invites indicated the window for the party was from 1-4 p.m., with clear information that this would be more than just heavy hors d’ oeuvres. No one was expected to bring anything, as I am not one to do potlucks. If I’m going to host any group at my home, I am not going to give them a job to do.

People began arriving very close to the start time, with one couple arriving a wee bit earlier. Within the hour the party was in full swing. There was one guest who had been called in for a shift that was unexpected and they were clearly disappointed to miss the party.

A couple arrived over an hour late and then left within the hour. Their apology was they had another event to attend.

Had I known they would be skedaddling early due to another obligation I would not have kept them on the invite list. This may seem extreme, but if you think about it, this couple was taking up two seats that essentially went to waste.

The way I look at larger gatherings, particularly the more lavish meal parties, is similar to how I view higher-end restaurant reservations. There are only so many tables available during a service. The folks choosing to eat out are paying for those seats, but if they don’t show up, they are still responsible for a charge. It’s only fair as a no-show ends up in lost revenue for the restaurant.

My home is not a commercial restaurant, but I consider my party invites are to be similarly respected as such. Coming and staying for only an hour suggests something less. Where I failed was to realize that I needed to clarify that I was assembling a group of interesting people for mingling long enough to get past shallow niceties.

You might think of your Thanksgiving holiday like how a state dinner is orchestrated. But if you do not inform people of what your expectations are of them, which I clearly failed to do at that event, you will be doing a double disservice: to yourself and to them.

Giselle M. Massi is the author of “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS,” the novel “Just Dance the Steps,” and a romantacy called “WYNTER’S DREAM.” Giselle was a journalist with The Denver Post for 16 years and writes the newspaper advice column TELL GISELLE. Contact her at www.gisellemassi.com.