“I have tried to rouse a few out of zombiehood but with little success, and I don’t want to waste my time with people who seem unwilling to do anything that requires effort or something that resembles a goal or life purpose. I debate if it’s kind to push people who are sufficiently satisfied with their status quo.”

— From a senior who is, for the most part, alone at an exclusive assisted living facility, while a much healthier spouse remains in their home.

G: I have thought a good amount about how people choose to live out their last decade, and to how best to live out mine. I remain committed to not extending my years beyond my usefulness. My father taught me many years ago that those who are to be helped by me will be sent to me. There are many who may not be ready, or prepared, to receive what support or encouragement I may ordinarily feel compelled to offer, so I am to wait until I see that they have ears to hear.

Keeping with this principle, I do not think it is spiritually sanctioned for anyone to push others who appear satisfied with their status quo as we do not know the path they have lived, nor what their interior process or traumas have been like, that brought them to today’s reality.

You may have confused the thought of you helping others out of their zombiehood, as you say, with you actually helping yourself to feel less alone or isolated. The way it often works is that we tend to believe that what we are doing for others is simply us masking a need or desire that is in ourselves: to receive some benefit in return for what kindness or grace we extend to others.

I am not suggesting that it is wrong to help ourselves, but what I am presenting for you to consider is whether your goal is more complex than simply an altruistic gesture. It could be that you possibly require more suitable connections that provide deeply stimulating interaction, well beyond the capability of your aged neighbors.

I suspect it would take quite a bit of investigating to uncover how those folks you observe, who are apathetic, succumbed to the state they exhibit. I can understand why you find their demeanor oppressive, if not repellent to some degree. I ponder how many seniors are on medications that work to deplete their energy, creating a loop of depression they simply cannot escape from. It is this you may be mistaking for apathy.

You carefully considered all your factors that ultimately brought you to living where you are, quite separately from your primary relationship. But unlike you, some of these residents may have been placed there without benefit of choice or complete agency. Some may be suffering the trauma of a radical lifestyle alteration.

No doubt grappling with the challenges that come with aging and a steady decline of optimal strength is compounded when our actual bedroom changes. It can be made worse when we are missing some skill sets or lack self-worth.

A good friend who is a gifted writer wrote in one of his short stories: All of the past, all that you have struggled with, like a traveler with too many bags – your idealism, your loyalty, your virtues, your decency – will be needed when you are old, they will preserve you, keep you alive; they will interest someone, somehow.

Unfortunately, for many seniors who have not aged gracefully, and perhaps for those who have neglected to keep up with nourishing their idealism and decency, finding a deficit of vitality of spirit during their last decade is something they may be inclined to accept as the norm.

When faced with the prospect of having to grow a new circle of friends, as they see longtime friends and partners die off, it may seem more organic to curl up like a pill bug. For some, rolling their way toward death, rather than embracing the opportunity for a fresh set of relationships that may also be lost, can hold unique appeal.

My friend continues: “The secret is to have the courage to live. If we have that, amore, everything will be what we dreamed. You will see.”

The New York Times has published many articles over the recent years about retirement and beyond, so you might do a search of their archives to see how they’ve approached it. Perhaps escaping your apartment more often, whenever possible, will be of benefit to your mood. Getting out and about, especially now while the weather is not so cold and inclement and making it riskier to navigate, can go a long way in sustaining your own joie de vivre.

Giselle M. Massi is the author of “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS” and the novel “Just Dance the Steps.” Her romantacy “WYNTER’S DREAM” is now available. Giselle was a journalist with The Denver Post for 16 years and writes the newspaper advice column TELL GISELLE. Contact her at www.gisellemassi.com.