Our weekly advice column from Giselle Massi, a former journalist with The Denver Post.

“I’m hoping to successfully break with a habit that I feel is not healthy for me. A few of my friends don’t understand why I am ‘changing’ so radically, they say. How do I get them to understand that I want to feel better about myself?”

G: Congrats on wanting to grow in ways that will increase your sense of wellbeing, and likely open up avenues for greater joy. Coming to a significant decision like this, whether it be about one’s relationship to intoxicants or to a toxic relationship, indicates a level of personal accountability that tends to fuel success in many other areas of life.

Whenever we test ourselves by “doing without” something, we are creating an opportunity to see what matters, more or less, to us. That doesn’t have to only be during the Lent season, where certain religious observants may fast or else forfeit a cherished treat or behavior for forty days. Some voluntary abstinence has spilled over to other periods of the year. The practice of dry January, coming on the heels of an over-abundance of holiday fare, has a good many alcohol enthusiasts giving up imbibing for that month. Other people have taken to meatless Mondays.

Some may decide to adhere to the “disciplinary” challenges because they are paying more attention to their health. Others may care about the enteric fermentation (aka methane) coming from cattle as they digest and excrete food. Globally, those animals (ruminants) are considered the number one agriculture source of greenhouse gases. Goat, buffalo, deer and elk are also ruminants and may be part of the meatless Monday, that has primarily spotlighted eschewing beef.

Choosing to give up eating meat one day a week, or not having alcohol for a period of time, is a lifestyle tweak many can make because it doesn’t seem daunting. This is in part because these are reversible choices.

Back to your question about getting others to understand what is motivating you. Give that up.

You do not have to waste any energy justifying why you are making the healthy choice you are making. Unless you are a minor, or are under the guardianship of someone else, you are not to feel obligated to ’splain yourself. A better use of your time is to focus on whether or not you have people in your life who have your best interests at heart. Those are the people who will tend to support your healthy decisions, and who will accept what you are doing wholeheartedly.

Where uncomfortable glitches may show up in our relationships is when one person in a couple, or within a family or team, strikes out on their own path of wellbeing or personal growth. This can create a sudden friction that is disruptive to the harmony, as it may call into question a practice or behavior that for a span of time was accepted as OK.

For example, when I chose to stop eating meat in my late teens, I encountered many derogatory comments from those in my circle. Even though I knew many of those closest to me were only speaking out because they were concerned for my health – they believed it would deteriorate from not eating meat – the comments felt like a steady stream of personal attacks on my intelligence and moral code.

As I have aged, altering what I eat and drink, I still experience people who question what is on my plate or in my glass. Or not on my plate. Surprisingly, this occurs even with those who really do not know me well. At a recent dinner party with a mixed group of new and older friends, someone who was overweight watched what I was eating. This led to an unprovoked query from them about what appeared to be what they called my “selective” eating.

Seems that over the decades, my slender build is what typically generates this curiosity and interest. At the party, instead of me being irritated – as one may get when triggered at what may feel like an interrogation or by an unwelcome scrutiny – I saw it as an opportunity to educate.

With the group now focused on my plate, I shared the story of how I had been plagued by hip pain and had decided, as a last-ditch effort to avoid surgery, to embrace an anti-inflammatory diet. Within less than two days, the anti-inflammatory diet had completely stopped the arthritic pain in my left hip.

I did not feel like I had to explain myself to get others to understand me. Nor did I seek to have them accept me. What I chose to do is share a tip that might help someone else in the room, or someone they may know, with arthritis. You can choose that option to educate those in your group, but if you do, remain self-aware so you don’t come off as proselytizing to those who don’t have the ears to hear.

Giselle was a journalist with The Denver Post and is the author of “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS” and the novel “Just Dance the Steps.” Her new romantacy “WYNTER’S DREAM” is now available.  Email Giselle with your question at [email protected]  To read more columns go to  www.gisellemassi.com