Nov. 6. Our weekly advice column from Giselle Massi, a former Antiquity resident.

“One of my friends died with a bunch of unfinished business and their secret that I’ve been holding. It concerns a family issue that, if revealed, I think would cause serious distress. As far as I can tell, I am the only one who knows this information and now that he is gone, carrying it is an especially odd feeling. Do you think there are, or should be, “term limits” on secrets?”

G: In my spiritual playbook, unless this is about an illegal matter, with rare exception the answer I most often give is a firm Yes. Here’s why:

When someone discloses information that they ask not be shared with anyone else, what they are actually conveying is a deep sense of safety. They trust you. It means they had a need to confide in you. They perhaps wanted to unburden themselves, or they may have felt that by sharing the “secret” or the information, you might even be able to help them in some way.

The help we provide can take many forms. Sometimes it is in just giving a person time and space to be heard. That may be enough to validate them. Or it could be that someone is needing to work out a few of the stickier details of a problem. Sharing private information with someone, even with a counselor, is often an effective way to resolve turmoil. This can be a rapid way to get clearer about what the main factors to consider are, and who may not be on the “need to know” list.

We may think that sharing deeply personal information should have the expiration date of a death stamped onto it, but there are many circumstances when violating the privacy of another can create serious legal or ethical problems.

If that is not your concern, then look at the situation as if the roles were reversed. Had you confided in someone with an understanding that they would keep your secret, how would you feel about them disclosing it after you are dead?

That is a template I have routinely used in many complicated situations or conflicts and it is paired with this directive: Do not do to someone that which you would not want done to you.

Approaching any tangled mess in this way pretty much assures you a path for peace. Living from a simple declaration as the Golden Rule is a way to reduce or minimize making a mistake, such as creating havoc for yourself or for everyone else.

Truth be told, secrets are double edged. They can be viewed as a gift, in that you are learning that your relationship with another person is particularly special. But the flip side of this trust is that secrets are also divisive, in that they are frequently birthed from gossip.

If a person is willing to share gossip about someone with you, keep in mind they are revealing to you that they have the capacity to gossip about you. That may not be clear to you in the moment that you are hearing gossip. One’s comfort with being gossipy is a strong indicator of having a flawed character or being spiritually bankrupt.

The secret you were given by your friend may be their word, from their direct experience. But it could also be someone else’s word or experience that they were passing down to you, or to others. An important thing is whether or not you know if the secret was based in fact or conjecture. Even if you know with certainty that the secret is true, I still do not recommend disclosing anything that you were asked to hold in confidence.

Going forward, a good rule of thumb is to simply assume anything that is shared by someone always carries the unspoken request that you are not to disclose it to anyone else, ever.

Gossip and secrets are fueled with temptation energy. Try to refrain from committing to keeping a secret before you are even told what the secret is. You can inquire of whether or not they are sure they want to reveal anything to you, and you can also find out from them if this is gossip. If they tell you that it is gossip, you can respectfully decline to hear it. For doing so, you can explain, would violate a spiritual law, that of bearing false witness.

Cultivate relationships where people will feel safe enough to share personal things, but do not prematurely take on the burden of carrying any secret.

Giselle was a journalist with The Denver Post and is the author of “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS” and the novel “Just Dance the Steps.” Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com  To read more columns go to www.gisellemassi.com