Tell Giselle: Bruising Presents

Jan. 7 – Our weekly advice column from Giselle Massi, a former journalist with The Denver Post.

“At Christmas I was sent a gift in the mail from a relative. I did not want to keep it and decided to exchange it at the department store rather than do what many others do, regift it to someone else later on. Because I was not given a gift receipt, the store clerk had to look up the purchase to find out what the value was when it was bought. This took considerable time, as it turned out the item was bought many months prior so it was not easy to find the record of it in their computer system. It was far outside the window for when the gift could be returned. I am frustrated and uncertain whether or not I should mention this to my relative.”

G: I am sorry you went through this. I know how feelings can become deeply hurt at the holidays, especially when gifts turn out to be a project or problem, rather than a joy, to receive. May your challenge be a helpful lesson to all gift givers.
There was a time when I would have told you to tell your relative that you had trouble with returning the item for either the store credit or exchanging it for another thing. Then, it would have been because I felt the more open and transparent we are about what we prefer, or what we experience, will enable us to deepen our interactions to develop greater intimacy.

Then, the caveats would have been, say something only if you know the person would receive the news with compassion for your disappointment and even offer an expression of mea culpa. My thinking would have been that saying something to them, perhaps, would give them an opportunity to make it right somehow, so that they too could feel better.

Now, however, my advice has flipped and I see that these glitches in gift giving are the stuff of small stuff. Perhaps it is because on my father’s death bed he literally told me, “Giselle, don’t sweat the small stuff,” I have embraced that wisdom across all of my experiences.
Ill-fitting gifts or any presents that you may regard as not to your taste, dumb or even seem like a waste of money, are not worth being distressed about and forfeiting your own peace of mind.

These gift giving missteps are truly small stuff, yet they can still hold the potential for a life changing attitude.

Every time we are interacting with another person, whether it be a relative or the clerk at the gas station, we are revealing to them the level of our spiritual development. So, for example, if you were to choose to speak to your relative about what you went through at the department store over the gift they gave you, consider first expressing your gratitude. Thank them for thinking of you and for sending you something that they thought you would like. Conveying gratitude not only sets a gentle tone, it is a clear indicator that you have grown spiritually and are practicing peacemaking.

You can then convey that you had an issue during the return. I would follow that up by saying to them, before they have a chance to explain, that you do not need for them to do anything now. Do mention that including a gift receipt in the future would facilitate those kinds of transactions.

This may alter their gift giving behavior, but that is up to them. They may embrace the lesson and be grateful to learn that they can avoid a future mistake such as that, or they can continue to be problem gift givers. No matter to you. Remain aware of your own agency for peacemaking and don’t sweat the small stuff anymore.

Giselle was a journalist with The Denver Post and is the author of “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS” and the novel “Just Dance the Steps.” Her new romantacy “WYNTER’S DREAM” is now available. Email Giselle with your question at [email protected] To read more columns go to www.gisellemassi.com.