Jan. 14 – Our weekly advice column from Giselle Massi, a former journalist with The Denver Post.

“I’m looking for help to make a decision. My confusion is over a few things, but primarily about my employment. When I ask older relatives how they got through the times when they were dissatisfied with their work, what I get is an earful of how they struggled financially. What they say seems totally irrelevant to the pressures I feel now. I want to be able to trust that I can make something of myself so I have a future I can count on. To me it seems like they were be able to have that when they were young, that they had goals that were real. My goal sometimes feels real to me, but it’s doubtful as the economy changes. What I thought was going to be a great career move isn’t so rosy. I’m unsure how long I’ll feel undecided. When it is safe enough to jump to something else?”

G: Part of the challenge with growing up is learning how to balance our emotions to maintain our mental health. Being affected by what is going on in the now, and worrying about what could be a potential reality sometime down the road, can become a repetitive cycle that is endlessly unproductive. The uncertainty of that – the “what may come” – will drive many people to suffer with indecision, as it eats away at confidence or self-esteem.

I do think it is good to speak with older people, whether they be in your field of work, or with anyone you respect and trust, that you know have your best interests at heart. We can be best served when we consider what others have to say about how they navigated tough times, or confusing periods, but still hold enough distance so as not to feel pressure to try to replicate any of their choices. Doing that is foolish as their circumstances are uniquely different than yours.

Ultimately, we have to take in information from many places, not just one source. Each of us are to process many ideas against our inner thoughts and motivations. Doing that takes time and is serious mental and emotional work. This causes a particular kind of friction that can bring clarity. So, don’t fear that the hard phase you are in, or believe it will be forever. It won’t last.

You can speed up getting out of the rip tide of mental distress if you make a change: stop resisting and resenting where you are right now.

Getting to a resolution to what is nagging at you will require you consider what matters most to you. For example, recently someone reached out to get information about what a particular town in Colorado is like, as they are considering relocating here. Sure, I can speak to the many positives, or tradeoffs here, but I’ve also lived in 11 others states, from coast to coast. Whatever my opinions are about that town, or any of the places I’ve lived, will just be a reflection of my experiences, at a certain time of my life, in that specific place.

The point is, the value in having my opinion is ultimately not in what I think is good or less good about a town, state or region. The power of getting more information from me or anyone else is about how that conversation can open up one’s mind to possibilities.

My take on things, and what my role in counseling often comes down to, is to give an even wider set of considerations. This may help a person see what is most important to them, and reveal a way forward toward manifesting more satisfaction. It starts with knowing yourself as you are now, but seeing that you have agency to expand beyond that bar.

Should you continue to swirl with indecision or experience a level of strain or anxiety that feels like it is threatening your stability, don’t hesitate to seek a professional counselor. Sometimes it’s just hearing ourselves talk out loud to another person that can streamline the solution. If you cannot afford therapy, begin a journal as the act of writing our feelings and ideas onto paper can reflect a larger truth.

Giselle was a journalist with The Denver Post and is the author of “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS” and the novel “Just Dance the Steps.” Her new romantacy “WYNTER’S DREAM” is now available.  Email Giselle with your question at [email protected]  To read more columns go to  www.gisellemassi.com